Goodbye, 2013. (Draft)

-POST NOTE- 

This was kept as a draft weeks ago and I wanted to publish it as a year end post but somehow it didn't feel right. Well, decided to post this anyway.

I know it sounds pretty emotional on my blog lately, but it's all good. I'm just pouring out random thoughts/opinions here. It's my ranting corner..

And I'm really glad to know people who are still reading this space. Thank you! okay here goes..

-END POST NOTE-

Typing out this draft right now, weeks before this chapter finally comes to a close. I have so much feelings and reflections right now, I don't think it could wait for the last day of the year.

Sometimes, when people expect too much or too little coming their way, its easy to mask it all with indifference or anger. Afterall, it's somehow easier to learn not to expect. The misconception is that you think you are getting stronger. But, how do you learn to protect an empty heart?

To learn how to be vulnerable, and let emotions flow. To take in all that uncertainty and fear, and allow it to occupy you. To allow your body to learn to fight against it. I think that's when real strength come through.

It's so stupid to always go through the same thought process - thinking that as of this moment right now, you are a warrior, a survivor - the best state you will ever be in. But no one will ever be ready. We will always be this cocky, I suppose.

It always had to be absolute. Something I can sift out and grasp it, in every intangible way possible. That's the only way to feel better about uncertainty, and how scary it gets. Forget about the light at the end of the darkness. As long as I can contain it, define it, and will myself to control it, it will get better.

I want to stop controlling, and to stop willing myself on a routine. I want to stop building defense mechanisms based on said routine so I won't take steps back anymore. Why should I be afraid of things that I know I can handle? 

Goodbye, 2013.

So.. its almost an hour to the new year.

I think this year is somehow.. difficult for me, even at the last day of the year. It feels like my thoughts, feelings, relationships have been washed out from a hurricane, leaving me a bit of a mess but somehow relieved this year is over soon.

2013 has been a hard year, I suppose. But in a good way..?

I remember times where I felt confused. About why certain things just doesn't add up, and somehow just ends up falling outside my control, or it somehow just blows out of proportion without my understanding. It is difficult, to fix something that you don't know.

I also remember feeling frustrated. How certain plans just don't pan out the way you want to be. Several times, I was so close. I guess this is part of life? I know what I had to give up, and I'm willing to. It's worth it, but alas... maybe they can only happen at the right time.

I also remember telling myself to be strong, to conquer. To deal with many obstacles and heartbreaks. We can be a lot more powerful than we think, as long as we allow ourselves to become.

Of course I had the happier times. But ironically its the sadder ones that we always remember.

I am grateful and wanna give thanks for what I have so far. For a little Fluffy to appear, for my ever loving family, dogs, bf and friends that managed to spend 2013 with me.

I am ready for what's next. I'm scared, but let's go for it.

Feelings

This is what I think about Time. Time is water.

You add Feelings in your heart and you flush them with time. Time dilutes feelings day by day, and for a long time, your heart don't seem to feel them anymore.

But the feeling remains. One day, something triggers that emotion back. It's drains all the time away. The sudden awareness of these feelings makes you feel that they are back, stronger.

But feelings always stay the same. It's the sudden drain of time that makes you feel that way.

A feeling never goes away. It will never go away; it can only be diluted. The feeling only 'comes back' when you will time to stop.

红豆 / 相思豆

還沒跟你牽著手

走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以後　

學會珍惜　

天長和地久

有時候　有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開　都有時候
沒有甚麼會永垂不朽
可是我　有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我　看細水長流

Post Exams

Exams are officially over today. Of course, I'm hoping that this will be my last. Feels a little liberating, but yet afraid at the same time knowing that from here on, I have to slowly build the path I want to take.

I've made plans, and wrote a list of stuff I wanna do after exams. I'm treating it as a special period where I get to do whatever the fuck I want before I am officially labelled a Young Working Adult. (I'm always young in my mind yo) 

I'm going to be busy. Maybe pick up a skill, reinvent myself.. who knows. The one lesson I've learnt while being in a 9-5 routine is that time is always running out, and contant repetition makes everything a blur. It's so easy to go with the flow, than to question your actions and objectives.

 It seems that when you get older, the more you can't afford to ask why. 

'Things just are...' They'll say.

I hear you. Do you hear yourself?

k o r e a 0 4

Woke up at 8am in the morning determined to have breakfast in the hotel (have been skipping it coz we cant wake up early enough).

I think the breakfast was though simple, but lovely and filling.

Here's mine! Scrambled eggs, potato wedges, porridge and sausages and yakult! Needless to say I went back for seconds - was hungry.

We went back to the hotel and rest/fall back asleep (lol). Finally woke up around afternoon and went to have late lunch!



Afterwards was Gyeongbokgung!





Us 3 went to get tickets while my mom was far away sitting under a shelter waiting for us. We the servants ahaha



Managed to rent an audio guide that would provide a commentary tour around the place as it uses GPS to track where we are. Quite cool and insightful :)




The palace was so big it was impossible to finishing combing it even after 3-4 hours. So we naturally left the place..

Saw this park full of flowers and old people exercising/hanging out






The weather was scorching and it was really humid, comparable to Singapore. So we hurriedly took a cab and went to Lotte Department Store for air-con plus walk and shop around.



Stopped at a cafe for a break and had Patbingsu! Shaved ice dessert really is a huge life savior for hot weathers! Cools you down i-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y.


We just started to roam and shop at buildings surrounding the departmental store thereafter, and also went to frequent the shops near the trains.

Forgot to mention about this, but prior to the trip we had researched about places with good food and was really looking for this place that serves cheap and good sundubu jjigae near Myeongdong.

Finally by day 4 we found the place (with no thanks to me hahaha!) And it was really good :):):):)



After that we just went to walk around and went back hotel to rest. As you can see the photos we take of ourselves are really less and we are just more concerned with shopping and eating. Hahahahahahaha

22.

I'm 22.

 I'm constantly changing/changed/will change. Aren't we all?

What happens today may change tomorrow. Say you fell in love today. Will things not change; for better or worse?

Opinions about people should change too, but sadly it doesn't always happen; we tend to choose the impressions we want to retain from others.

Don't use your opinion towards me when I was young to judge me as I am now. Things may fall back together again, but plainly for different reasons. The closer you look, the more you can't see. I'm 22; why judge based on my personality when I was 16? Isn't it stupid?

 I'm telling you now.

K o r e a 0 3

Finally back to update my blog about Korea day 3! Hope to finish the entire trip posts asap coz mugging period is coming :(

Anyway, woke up at 5am for our first time experience to a public korean bathhouse - aka Jjimjilbang! Took a cab and headed to Dragon Hill Spa! Best experience i had in korea btw!

It's surprisingly bright for dawn. Can you see me? HAHAHAHA



Getting a bit nervous and apprehensive as I enter..Yeah the decos are pretty nice :)

So, after payment, they'll hand you a key, two small towels, a set of clothes and you head over to the shoe locker first where you'll put the shoes..

Then you head up towards a division whereby the genders are seperated - The guys continue down the lane while the girls take the lift up!

Well it was really a sight to behold when the lift door opened - public nudity and all. But we slowly got used to it and thankfully there wasn't really a lot of people yet.



Lockers to put your clothes.. and off you go after scrubbing yourself and washing up!

Bathhouses are awesome! They have special tubs with medicinal herbs infused in it, and each tub gives a different positive health effect. They range in temperatures, and it was really good to soak in the tubs and just fully relax~ Tried out cold pools as well, did some treatment before changing into our comfy wear provided by the spa!

Off we go to the saunas :)

The saunas are actually shared among genders, and i read online that it's actually a common dating place! At that point people are just lying down on the floors, some with a heating panel underneath. I didn't think sleeping on hard ground would be comfy but i almost fell asleep and my mom & sister were totally knocked out.

Oh and sometime before that we went to have some snacks!

Had Sikkhye + Eggs! We bought both the normal coloured and the black eggs to try. It looks quite different, eh? But it was good! I love the drink especially.

Anw, we went to try the saunas - some were super hot (88 degrees) and you have cold saunas as well.

Went inside and seconds after my toes all went numb. Tryna take a selfie but the sensation was so weird and fuzzy i ended up laughing





Interior of the pyramid (Ceiling - nice right)! There were some people who were sleeping inside. Not really hot though, just relatively quite stuffy due to the humidity.

After a while, we went back up to our lockers, got changed, and left the place. Spent a total of 5 hours there, and I felt so relaxed and pampered that I slept in the cab otw back to the hotel. Then all 4 of us just K.O for the next 2-3 hours..

Woke up by late afternoon, and decided to get Korean BBQ for late lunch!












Took a train to Hongdae! (Hongik University)

More shopping choices in Hongdae because it's a regular hang-out place for college/university students. Very interesting to see different concept stores there. However, the weather there was really crazy! Humid and hot like Singapore, maybe even worse lol.

Spent some time shopping around, and ended up just randomly walking exploring places, and spotted the Trick Eye Museum by chance! Wanted to take a break anyway so off we go:

What you see when you are in the toilet.

Didn't explore everything inside the museum, just those that were near the entrance. I think we spent the remaining time walking and shopping until night fell! Hongdae is also a hotspot for clubs, sort of like Clarke Quay in SG I suppose.



So freaking hungry so we went to this random fast food restaurant - Doni Burger.



Realised later that it was opened by Jung Hyung Don himself.

The meal was really healthy for a fast food level - no oily or over salty fries, in fact I think it doesn't have any salt at all! The drinks were kick-ass huge though. The burger wasn't oily either. I kinda liked it. We had a long chat there and it carried over all the way back to the hotel, until we slept. :)

Shall blog about day 4 soon :)