-POST NOTE-
This was kept as a draft weeks ago and I wanted to publish it as a year end post but somehow it didn't feel right. Well, decided to post this anyway.
I know it sounds pretty emotional on my blog lately, but it's all good. I'm just pouring out random thoughts/opinions here. It's my ranting corner..
And I'm really glad to know people who are still reading this space. Thank you! okay here goes..
-END POST NOTE-
Sometimes, when people expect too much or too little coming their way, its easy to mask it all with indifference or anger. Afterall, it's somehow easier to learn not to expect. The misconception is that you think you are getting stronger. But, how do you learn to protect an empty heart?
To learn how to be vulnerable, and let emotions flow. To take in all that uncertainty and fear, and allow it to occupy you. To allow your body to learn to fight against it. I think that's when real strength come through.
It's so stupid to always go through the same thought process - thinking that as of this moment right now, you are a warrior, a survivor - the best state you will ever be in. But no one will ever be ready. We will always be this cocky, I suppose.
It always had to be absolute. Something I can sift out and grasp it, in every intangible way possible. That's the only way to feel better about uncertainty, and how scary it gets. Forget about the light at the end of the darkness. As long as I can contain it, define it, and will myself to control it, it will get better.
I want to stop controlling, and to stop willing myself on a routine. I want to stop building defense mechanisms based on said routine so I won't take steps back anymore. Why should I be afraid of things that I know I can handle?
