Im turning 21.... in about 2 hours.
I dont know what to feel really, or what to say. But I felt a need to sit and blog about it.
What was I expecting really? There's not gonna be a difference between 11.59pm to 12am.. right?
Except the fact that Im 21? Im so ironic..
Anyway, now that Im turning 21, which is a symbol to adulthood ( i guess), I hope to see things... a little bit more clearer. Not literally duh, but i want to be more focused, or to able to see clearer for my future. That way I can find out what I truly want and go for it.
Now, I feel like I am focused in terms of my education, but i dont exactly feel sure or know what I want or where I should be in the future. I feel like im just in the midst of everything that is about to come later. Yes I am confused too. Things make sense now.. but not exactly.
I don't like this feeling although I must admit it is easy to sink into something like that. Call it a limbo, perhaps? It's like a feeling of nothingness. I want to do something about it. I wanna make plans.. get busy, plan for this future that everyone seems to already be there. But aren't I getting ready for future right now? So at the end of the day... where am I exactly?
I look at the people around me and sometimes I think to myself 'What am I doing now?' but then what shouldn't I be doing that I am already doing now? I wanna work as hard as they are, to fight for something. A goal, a future. To have that spark which ignites you to do all that. I feel that my fire's dying..
Maybe these are all symptoms of being unproductive. Haven't exactly been quite keen on what I am supposed to do. But my self-discipline in me is gonna get cracking soon. Im gonna start what I should have been doing next week.. after Im done celebrating tomorrow.
Or maybe this is the feeling you get when you are not motivated. Ah I hate it.
I guess it's something I must find out for myself. Not even the fact that you are growing older can do something about it. And I think I like it that way.
